Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
And then he peed in my hair
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