Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
