When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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