Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Of course I have a pirate flag
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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