Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
