in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My vagina is officially offended.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
