I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
