you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
