It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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