Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You took a bar mat shot.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize