What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize