you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
