All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
