I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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