I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
