so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he puts the penis in happiness.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
