Redeem this text for a blowjob
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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