youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize