Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I want a musical about memes.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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