ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
