she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
