I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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