If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
