Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
you had me at cake vodka
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
