Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
