so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
