Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
