who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
grandma shit on top of the toilet
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
