Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
