I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I have tasted many bathrooms
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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