This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
