You made me cry and you don't even care
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
