i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
