I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize