You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
