I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
