Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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