you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I party with great urgency now.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
