Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
