i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
