I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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