I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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