i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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