the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
