Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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