i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She's the barista slut.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
