You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
