I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize