while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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