tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
