this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
