this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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