apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
