PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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