Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.

(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Four. Poor grandma...

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(845): View more from New York

I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.

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(406): View more from Montana

I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.

(1-406): View more from Montana

You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.

(1-847): View more from Illinois

that is an amazing summary hahaha

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(325): View more from Texas

I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours

(325): View more from Texas

Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin

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(406): View more from Montana

I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.

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(708): View more from Illinois

Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten

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(210): View more from Texas

Anything special planned for Valentines Day?

(310): View more from California

Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?

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