he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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