the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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