You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
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