Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize