I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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