when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
