Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
