I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
