Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
