Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
