there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
