If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
