I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
