I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
