Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
