Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
